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As you do the advance work we’ve recommended, you’re going to begin to know what is your next best step.This might not be an action or decision that you are necessarily happy or comfortable with, but it will feel certain and right for you.

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Most, if not all, of these images are predicated on the archaic paradigm of romantic love. Being in a state of longing is a dramatic and fully alive experience.

It creates butterflies in your belly and light-headedness in your mind.

If he or she has vowed to end the affair but has done nothing to follow through, consider that as well. You’ve probably heard the saying that it takes “two to tango.” As uncomfortable as it is to admit, this is almost always true.

The decision to stay in or leave a relationship is yours to make. What your partner said or did may have been a huge betrayal, but there is probably a role you also played in the relationship collapse.

Your next best step might be to offer your partner a heartfelt apology, to set a firm boundary, or to seek help from a professional.

Whatever it is, take your next step and keep checking in with yourself as you take another and another.

This is the way to rebuild trust and connection and to re-discover your love for one another.

If you’ve grown up in Western culture, you’ve been inundated from the time you were born with images and beliefs about love. It’s based on the model of longing for someone that you can never completely have, and it’s this longing that then becomes mistaken for real love.

The game is emotionally intense but ultimately unsatisfying.

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