After being ghosted and dealing with canceled dates, I found myself crying over random dudes.
You " The problem is, when you’re out there trying to meet someone on dating apps—and even IRL—hurtful stuff happens all the time.
It’s exhausting and depressing to constantly take everything so personally.
In December, a guy I went to high school with started messaging me on Facebook.
That escalated to texting every day, phone dates, and him bringing up visiting me over Valentine's Day weekend (he was in the Midwest, I'm in New York City).
Coincidentally, it turned out the San Franciscan was going to be in New York City that weekend, and we made plans to meet when he arrived.
When his plane landed, he said he was too tired to get together but asked if we could reschedule.But there are two techniques that can sometimes give me a little bit of distance from my internal storylines. First, when I start hearing those voices in my head saying (OK, more like shouting), ""Second, when I’m trying to consider other possible explanations for why a guy bailed or ghosted or cut and ran, I could, in trying to comfort myself, decide that he’s just an asshole.But I remind myself that most people are pretty wounded from childhood and past relationships, and they're going around acting out their wounds on each other.For as long as I’ve been dating, I’ve been drawn to emotionally unavailable guys.I’ve primarily been single, mostly as an attempt to protect myself from this kind of pain, and the relationships that I have had have been chaotic and pretty excruciating.Because I’ve felt repeatedly hurt and rejected so many times by men who weren’t capable of being in healthy, nurturing relationships, I’ve internalized the (untrue) belief that love is something that’s for other people, but won’t ever work out for me.