I’d also suggest family therapy for you and your daughter. Our (now) 18 year old son (his birthday was two days ago), has a beautiful heart. We have a very loving relationship and I would just die of heartbreak if anything ever happened to him. Drug abuse is often a systemic signal for dysfunction. to be honest i do not believe kicking him out is an answer.. He got very thin, lied all the time and total BS would come out of his mouth. I am telling him today that if he doesn’t stop selling and using (he passes all drug tests and says he doesn’t use)….. Don’t even consider the “trust and privacy” bull crap. We know that he has been using dope for a couple of years and have been trying to address this, but with no success, we think he really needs a sharp shock. At 18, he can decide whether or not he wants to stay with you and adhere to certain agreements (no drugs) or go out on his own. There has been too much lying and disrespect, total disregard for house rules, etc., over the years. I am too, but how do I kick my baby out, this young man who used to wrap his little arms around my neck and say “I wuv woo mommy? I have felt sick to my stomach so many times and it does hurt when your child whom you love basically turns against you, but coddling and enabling won’t help. His pot use can be a sign hat there’s something off within the family dynamic. My husband put him to work in our construction business but he too had to fire him after finding drugs and perafenilia. I am going to try to make him not able to screw up his life since he won’t help himself.
I am so afraid he will ruin every chance he has of getting a good education and end up on the streets with nothing. I’d suggest that you seek medical counsel from a psychotherapist who has experience with family process addictions. And explore here, for more info: saddens me that parents think that calling the police is the proper course of action.
This morning he told me “In one year I will be 18 and I can do anything I want, you cant stop me” I am heartbroken and scared to death for him. I just found out this week that my 20 year old son is selling drugs, I think cocaine. Addiction is a systemic disease, meaning it affects everyone in the family. Even if he’s not addicted to a substance (and if he’s dealing, the likelihood of use is there), you will learn helpful strategies for coping by seeking professional help. Many of the reactions that many parents have will indeed make their child even worse, out of spite and out of the idea of “this is bad, so it feels fun and exciting to do it”.
I knew he smoked a little pot but this news has me devastated; I keep think of him wasting away either in prison or from taking drugs. Patience and understanding is much stronger than a firm hand and a strict set of rules.
I agree that family counseling is a good start, but maybe you need to go even further.
He parties with his friends every weekend, and I thought it was just some beer, pot, nothing more. We cannot enforce any rules in the house, as he just breaks them anyways. Not just a little weed to a friend here or there, but a bonified dealer of massive amounts of pot. So he comes back and starts working for his old Company again and they issue him his van, gas card and celll phone again and provide him with a house. His employer is going to keep his last two paychecks for damages. We will not take him in again to be lied too, deceived, and snowed again unless he fesses up and goes into rehab. There’s no trust with these people and I believe he will lose all his “druggy” friends.
You can check out more on this issue here: am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, heart attack, or stroke. Despite this, he has been a challenge for several years now, and we have given into the fact that he is a pot smoker. We have tried relentlessly to get him some help, however he will not go to any counseling. To face this issues together as a family can strengthen your bond as a unit, rather than isolate and blame son is in total denial… He was so angry and not accountable for his mistakes. His brother had us fly him to where he lived and helped get him clean. So, now he is out with no vehicle, no home, and no money. I’m going to make sure all of his drug contacts “think” he’s working with the drug task force.
Check for good hiding places in his room, the garage, or basement. He is 18, we are going to tell him to leave the house tomorrow, is that a good course of action ? A child who is doing and dealing drugs requires consequences. We were up until after 2am reading all the messages. I at least want to wait until after Christmas, but he does not. He thinks he has it so bad here, but he will find out different. No, but I will not have him living in our home if he chooses to engage in illegal activity. He knows right from wrong and is choosing wrong, and he needs to own up to his choices and discover the consequences. I’d suggest that you consult with a family counselor who has experience with adolescent drug abuse. they eventually told his to leave in no uncertain terms.. much of my sons so called secrets were discovered a couple of times when he left open his Facebook page…. question is can i tell Facebook about this or am i wasting my time… his older brothers did drugs years ago but are now married with children… After he couldn’t take being sick he started using more and more and since he did not work he had more time to get high so he liquidated everything.
You have to be proactive if you don’t want to lose your boy. My daughter told us our son is selling drugs, hash, we searched his room and found lots of money and small plastic bags and a set of micro scales. For him, but also I imagine our home life could be somewhat in danger now. I see his point, but I love that kid so damn much that this breaks my heart. He says quite often (usually when he’s mad) that as soon as he’s 18, he’s leaving, and well, what he doesn’t know is yeah, if he’s still smoking pot, etc., then he’s out. To make a long story short, our son worked for this same company before and was caught using herion so they sent him home to get cleaned up and offered him his job back once clean. He is or was their most skilled and valuable employee and super smart bordering on genus.
Find the reason why your kid wants to sell drugs, is it because he’s addicted?
Or is it merely because he wants extra spending money? Maybe instead of punishing your kid, start looking at the things that you can reward him on.
:/I just found out, like the others, that my 22 year old son is dealing (weed, adderall, who knows what else? My husband either is oblivious or really doesn’t know. So I pose the question: Should I cut him off financially? Maybe you can talk to the school counselor for the 16-year old.