You know yourself to be of one orientation, but your mind starts telling you that you secretly belong to another.
It’s not homophobia, it’s not denial, it’s a form of obsessive compulsive disorder, an obsession with sexual orientation.
It follows the same rules as other forms of OCD of course.
I specialize in counseling wives of sex addicts, and I often see women who haven’t told anyone about their husband’s addiction, sometimes for months or even years.
The lack of support available to spouses, and often inaccurate information being put out about partners of sexual addicts, can cause a wife to suffer additional trauma and feel like she is partially responsible for her husband’s behavior.
As I mentioned earlier, understanding the negative effects of watching porn and doing something about it is so much more important than knowing the whys.
Whether you're a man looking at porn or his partner, don't make the mistake of minimizing or ignoring what it does to you and your relationship.
You may be afraid that your therapist will join you in the analytical pursuit of meaning, rather than help you, and then try to get you to accept a homosexuality in you that doesn’t really exist.
It’s true that therapists who are not OCD specialists may be more psychodynamically trained and feel pressure to view HOCD as an identity issue when it is not. It’s an issue of obsessing over uncertainty and engaging in compulsions in the futile pursuit of that certainty.
Below are some reasons from the article, , by my colleague, Jed Diamond, Ph. As you read them, notice that of these 8 reasons, only 4 really have to do with sex. Diamond had to say: As a therapist I talk to many men and women where pornography has become a problem in their lives. "If we've agreed to be true to each other does having ‘virtual sex' in an on-line chat room constitute being unfaithful? "I know men are different and have different sexual drives, but if I can't trust him to be honest where will it end? For others it creates anger and distance in the relationship. I've discovered some other significant reasons why men watch porn in my counseling for men who are struggling with internet porn.
Is it OK if he goes to a sex club and gets a lap dance? Monica was furious with Ed when the couple came to see me. Porn is so much more complicated than people think.
It has the obsession, an unwanted intrusive thought: It’s not just “what if I’m gay?