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“I've never experienced discrimination because of my gender in the workplace,” a more masculine-presenting female friend of mine once revealed over a confessional glass of wine.“Well, yeah, that's because you look amazing in pantsuits and talk sports with the boys," I blurted. This is just experience as a femme living in New York City in 2017, baby.)“I don't know. ” a date once said to me when I explained to her that I spent the day studying analytics, editing longform articles and brushing up on my SEO knowledge. I gaze into the mirror every single day and thank my higher power (Lana Del Rey) for making me gay. But that doesn't mean we're safe from the insulting tropes about feminine women. Loving pretty things doesn't mean you're not putting in hours of grueling work."I didn't know you worked so hard."“If only,” I muttered, thinking about the gruesome hours it takes to write a well-written viral article, plus the hours of coaching yourself to not be crushed and terrified by the sexist cyberbullies who write you lovely private messages like "I hope you get raped and die," only to be paid significantly less than your male counterparts for the same job, but who, of course, don't deal with a fraction of the daily harassment and abuse from internet trolls. When I go the lesbian bar with other girls adorned in frilly dresses, there tends to be a collective shock when the femmes say they're CEOs, doctors and lawyers. And it really just goes to show that no matter what scene you're in, whom you're attracted to, or how marginalized of a community you are, femininity is still all too often seen as less powerful, less monied, and less intelligent than masculinity. After all, my collection of Kat Von D Everlasting Liquid Lipstick doesn't pay for itself.Vous voulez rserver un appartement chez un particulier, une chambre en gte de France, et mme une maison en village de vacances ?

When really, in my experience, girly girls tend to have an insanely impressive work ethic, one that exceeds all genders and stereotypes. When I think about it, they treat the girls in dresses like bimbos."(Disclaimer: I'm in no way saying masculine-presenting women have it any easier than feminine-presenting women.

Do you know much hustle is required in order to be taken seriously in the workplace when your feet are strapped into platform, patent leather Mary Jane shoes? I'm also not declaring that every work environment favors masculine energy, or that every masculine-presenting woman is teeming with male privilege. And every girl, regardless of her sexual orientation, has to face her own unique set of hardships. You can wear all the crop tops in the world, you can paint your lips in the hottest shade of PINK lipstick ever created, and still be an ambitious boss who pays her own way in this world.

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And to deprive yourself of feeling Now, I own the word “femme” like I own the words “dyke” and “slut.” I think being hyper-feminine is awesome, and if you want to make assumptions about my character based on my personal style, I don't care to rub elbows with you anyway. But I'm finally here and it's so much better on this side.

The side of self-acceptance is so much sweeter than the side of conformity — despite the sweeping generalizations and crazy misconceptions that constantly swing your way when you let your femme flag fly. ” I asked once again as I slugged back my house wine. ” She laughed like she had drawn the most obvious conclusion in the world. Let's do the math here: The intimidatingly brazen woman in the designer blazer who insisted on only drinking the top shelf vodka, who also happened to be sporting a watch the same price as a down payment on a house, was saying she thought me, the smiley 20-year-old in the cheap dress clumsily sipping her cheap wine, was a I can't tell you how shocked my ex-girlfriend was to learn how fired up I get about politics when we first started dating.“I just didn't think you would be so radical!

See, we lesbians came of age in the same misogynistic society as everyone else. For a moment, I even considered dialing back on my signature smokey eyes, the glitter-infused Urban Decay eyeliner and the waist-length hair that made me feel both sultry and safe at once (two positive feelings I happen to wildly enjoy).

We were spoon-fed the same sexist narrative as our heterosexual classmates. And now, I fall to my knees and thank my higher power, Lana Del Rey, that I didn't ever change.

Our sexual orientation didn't protect us from the notion that femininity equals weakness. I couldn't change; my inherent desire to dress up spoke louder than my desire to fit in.


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