Because dating is hard, and with the festive season approaching you might be tempted to reach out to all sorts of toxic people. Red flags include: acting indifferently, refusing to make room in their life for you, being kind of rude, or doing odd or unexplained behaviours at you. I don’t know if you’ll be together when the inevitable robot war begins and you’ll get evaporated by lasers together. But also maybe they’re the worst and they’re gonna hurt your feelings and steal your VCR. Stop dating all the exact same person what are just dressed up in slightly different skin bags. So buckle up, celebrate your singularity and make the best of it.Being cautious when your heart is an enormous hopeful flesh bag is hard. Basically, if you spot anything that in the past has signalled something bad: Don’t ignore it. So practice slowing down, practice managing your expectations, and try to base your hopes on how they act in reality rather than in your most hopeful dreams. If you’ve only ever dated sad poem writing types, why not try dating a happy clam farmer or a folk singer? Don’t romanticize romance, remember that it’s worth waiting for something extraordinary, and then do just that.
By wrong I mean unavailable — clearly so — or have addiction problems, or won’t ever commit, or don’t live in this city. I know how truly distressing some of the scenarios this friend gets involved in can be, how they can open your own old wounds and how the toxic runoff of this friend’s relationships can — when you are this involved — affect your friendship and your life.
She also ALWAYS asks me what she should do when things go wrong between them, or for advice when she’s worried things are about to end. It’s frustrating to have to be the one she seeks advice from during the process, even though she never listens, and then to be the one she cries to afterward. I have also been this friend before, to some extent.
But what is for certain is this: it’s ridiculous and will definitely (OK not definitely) ruin your life unless you use your brain about it. Because I just want us all to get along and have a nice time and you’re ruining it.
If you’re someone who, like me, has been a massive tit about dating in the past: you have to read this. Being single can be lonely and it can be depressing, yes.
If you’re someone who keeps getting curved to absolute hell by people who seemed to like you: you gotta read this. Because you’re a shiny star and it’s time you started acting like it. I don’t know if who you just went on a date with is indeed the love of your life. But being with a person who treats you like you’re a liability whilst you consistently show up for them is even worse.
If you’re someone who loves reading even very stupid words, well then hell, you really must read this. So here’s how to stop making terrible dating mistakes. I don’t know if you’ll get married and buy a Fiat Punto. It’s just easy to forget that when it’s been 109 days since you last had sex and you did an audible moan this morning when the bus driver brushed your hand giving you your change.
For example: “If he’s married, I don’t want to hear about him.
My answer will always be the same.” “My friendship services to do not include Instagram consulting.” You can set up time limits: “Let’s talk about relationships for half an hour and then switch to sports or literally anything else.” “I don’t answer my phone for anyone except Oprah after 2 a.m.” Again, it may sting her (imagine being clocked while venting…), but if she respects you, she will respect your wishes. I can’t tell you what’s “best” for your individual friendship. Because as we all know, advice — when sought out — is nice to read, to hear.
Ask us questions by emailing [email protected] the subject line “ASK MR A QUESTION,” or leave yours in the comments. (I have been roped into some strange, late-night Dedicated Wing Woman scenarios where I’d rather be in bed, or eating, and yet it’s 3 a.m.