Talking with a friend recently who was rather enamoured with a chap who was super ambiguous, a little probing revealed that this guy has a hell of a lot of female friends. Like when you see those shows about hoarders and then can barely move for all of the stuff piled up around them and they feel super attached to stuff that they’re never going to use or appreciate for that matter.
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A lot of people are friends with an ex or two although plenty aren’t.
It’s not a badge of honour to be friends with your ex and it doesn’t make you a Good Girl/Guy.
Their motivations and lack of self-awareness cause a pattern of problems. Yet another woman/guy who can’t control their emotions and is falling for me. All I want to do is ambiguously be friends with them and they all go and get the wrong feckin’ idea.
If you have been let down by somebody who didn’t reciprocate your interest and now they’re all over you like a rash to keep messaging them and keep up a ‘friendship’, they have form for this. Ah well.” My friend eventually discovered that she is indeed a member of his harem. It’s as if these people all read the same playbook.
Here’s the thing: Some people love collecting exes.
I don’t mean that they go out of their way to make partners into exes by botching up relationships (although I suspect some do sabotage to resist commitment and then console themselves that they’re Really Great People ™ and A Really Good Ex ™) but more that their ego needs almost constant supply from the pool of people who have tried to forge something with them in the past.
In fact, I’ve heard a lot of versions of this story where they claim that they’d assumed that they were kindred spirits who were coming from the same emotional place and leaning on each other for friendship and support. The sad thing is that once you realise that you are in a harem, even if you’re peeved at being messed around, your own ego then worries about not being in the harem and even that he/she might choose another member.
You might find yourself hanging around for reputation management.
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You don’t need to be another one in the collection.” I was cautious because things were so ambiguous and not moving anywhere.