Dating an abuse survivor

"I'd decided I was going to kill myself," she said.

She emailed me a few days earlier, up late one night, unable to sleep.

Only, she wasn't focused on Rice or his fists in the frames of the video. The report outlined a weekday late-night excursion from Keizer to Corvallis by Tracy and her best friend, Karmen Mc Fadden.

Dandridge told investigators during his interview that he felt the entire event was "a risky situation." When asked by police why it was risky, Dandridge said, "I know if she was not saying 'No,' but you repeatedly ask her to do something and she doesn't want to, you have to be cool." Ware denied having any kind of sexual intercourse with Tracy.

He told police he put on a condom at one point and asked Tracy for intercourse, but she declined.

And while it's the practice of The Oregonian to not name victims of alleged sexual assault, Tracy insisted she be identified here.

"I've spent all this time trying to prove to the world that I belong here," she said.

Everyone agreed that gin, orange juice, video games and a quiet late-night gathering at Carlyle's No.

3 apartment on Northwest 20th Street ended up with Tracy naked, in various degrees of consciousness, on the living room floor.She was 24, a single mother to two boys, ages 4 and 5, and she said, "I had victim written all over me." Tracy said she was sexually abused as a minor, up until age 5 by a family member, then again at 9 by a neighbor.She has not talked publicly about the earlier incidents.The others, she said, were standing around the room, cheering. " Ainsworth told police he took Tracy's clothes off and had consensual sex with her.He said he didn't understand why Tracy would believe she was violated.When detectives asked Ainsworth if the other men in the room had violated her, he said, "Yea, but I know I didn't." Carlyle, Oregon State's defensive back, minimized his involvement to investigators. Then, he told police he'd touched her body, requested sex acts and participated in brief oral sex.

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