It’s like getting thrown in a pool without floaties and being expected to know how to do a perfect backstroke. “It’s a two-sided affair to which both parties have agreed, and the norms need to be more egalitarian.
Gender norms aside, I also dislike textual marination and the other ‘hard to get’ techniques. We need to drop the schoolyard shtick.”Tim agreed with Julian, at least in part: “There is something very attractive when a woman takes the initiative to reach out and organize dates,” he said.
My mom, very much in love with my dad, told him she was moving home to Virginia.
“Now imagine there’s sides strategizing head-to-head, both playing hard to get, both wanting the chase.
Girls either play hard to get until someone calls it quits, or you both wind up thinking the other person hates you and nothing ever happens.”In conducting my research for this story, I was amazed by how passionate people were about the topic. I began to wonder if this was a purely cultural phenomenon. In a 2014 study, researchers conducted two experiments to determine when playing hard to get successfully increased romantic attraction.
Participants who were set up with women they were already interested in, found the hard-to-get woman more desirable, but participants who were set up with random women found the easy-to-get woman more desirable.
That is to say, playing hard to get magnified desire if it already existed in the first place — but it wasn’t able to create desire from scratch. ,’ and you move from being chosen (passive) to being the chooser (active).”When she put it that way, something clicked.
“I’d be lying if I said I don’t fall for the hard to get move sometimes, but the appeal is usually short-lived.
Once you get past the thrill of the chase, you realize that you aren’t actually attracted to the sort of person who plays games like that.”“I don’t play hard to get myself,” said Clay. I don’t really mind when people do — they can be interesting or not either way — but you can always tell.
That same wisdom, as it turns out, has been propagated as the gold standard of dating advice for centuries.
When I told Jennifer Wright, author of , that I was curious about the historical origins of this approach to courtship, she quipped, “If you think about it, Anne Boleyn is kind of the original queen (literally) of the hard-to-get strategy, because she initially refused to become Henry VIII’s mistress.”Touché. If you like someone, why purposefully act as if you in order to get them to like you back?
Curious what a relationship expert would have to say, I spoke with Monica Parikh, dating coach and founder of School of Love NYC. “But I do advocate developing a confident and detached style of dating.” When I asked her what she meant by detached, she said, “Detachment is the most important (and difficult) skill to master in dating. Maybe hard to get is best defined not as a sneaky strategy to feign disinterest, but as a manifestation of confidence and self-respect — and it ought to be deployed accordingly.
"I don't want someone who puts mind games higher on the list than honesty."When you're out at the bar and you spot a cutie, playing coy and making eye contact from across the room is one way to get his attention.
Establishing a coy, flirtatious repartee I’ve many times employed the hard to get strategy myself, although I’m not sure how effectively. For example, are my current boyfriend and I together because I played hard to get?